its nighttime.

maybe its nighttime, and you think about more things at night.
sometimes you can just put on a false front in the day and smile.
pretend that everything is alright and stuffs.

but your mask is taken away at night.
you sit in bed and think about what has happened before, and what might happen tomorrow, in the near future, and maybe 10 years later.

what might happen?

life is filled with uncertianties, and this is what makes it special, unique and interesting.

at night, you are lonely.
you are by yourself.
you are facing what you are supposed to face, no matter how you conceal it.
you are forced to do that.

this is not supposed to be a depressing post, but about the facts of life.

i often think about my relationships with people,
and let me tell everyone truthfully.
i am a person who needs security.
a glare, some words which maybe(hopefully) i interpreted wrongly may cause me to think about it for many weeks and maybe even months afterwards.

i may think about the things that i said before, and the hurt it may cause people if they interpret it wrongly.
strained relationships.
sometimes i wonder if people really like me for who i am.
i dont trust people easily.
when i talk to people, i wonder if they are irritated by me.

maybe im being to sensetive.
i think about my relationships with my family and friends, two most important aspects in my life.
i value their lives and their comments the most in my life, and the betrayal of either may cause me to question myself.
why did they even get close to me in the first place?
why did they even know me in the first place?

but i have many people to thank for their friendship and care. those that left a deep imprint on my life , an imprint that will not be erased away easily no matter what. pardon me for the times when i did wrong things that hurt you all, i apologise if there were any.

firstly: Chinyu
thanks for being my bestie since p5. we had many fun times together and shared our emo times together many times. thanks for always being there for me when i needed you. dont worry about the times when im in TJ, cos you will always be in one of the top places in my heart. l

lingronglexuan

ling
thanks for being my desk partner! had many fun and crazy times with you. you are the only one who knows my feelings of gg IP x(


rong
thanks for being my niang ! you are one sentimental person although you dont look like one from the outside. things are not always what they seem and take things easily!

xuan
thanks for hanging out with me and studying with me! we cant sleep together in chongqing but nevermind! xDD

steadTHOO
thanks for being my stead! haha. thanks for playing bingo with me when i was bored when sitting next to you! LOVE YA LOTS STEAD!

i will never change, no matter where i am. i will still be the hanle you see now no matter where i go. i will not become who i am not.

we shall all get stronger and stronger. we are strong people and we can survive no matter the challenges!